Expectations and kids

As I lay here next to my boys enjoying the silence I come to the conclusion that expectations and kids are bullshit. My husband will love reading this and tell me “I told you so” as we’ve had a conversation about this topic recently. 

Why are expectations and kids bullshit you ask? 

Well because babies, toddlers, kids, teens, etc are unpredictable. You never know what’s gonna trigger a tantrum. My family and I are currently in the toddler stage so we will discuss that. 

According to dictionary.com expectation is defined as the degree of probability that something will occur. (Number 6 of the definitions.) With that being said if you reflect on your relationship for a moment and think about a time when you expected your spouse to do something for you. Such as folding the laundry or cleaning the litter box. When the scenario didn’t play out to your favor, what happened? Well possibly you got pissed. Maybe you even mentioned that you wished they would have folded the laundry or cleaned the litter box. 

You didn’t verbalize to your significant other what you wanted, you ASSUMED they were going to deliver. 

Now think about this with your toddler. In the sense that you expect your child to act a certain way when you are in public. Maybe these expectations are negative when it comes to your strong-willed child’s behavior. Are you thinking they are going to ask for every item in the store? Are you expecting your toddler to act crazy and cry and scream?

The toddler stage is great, they are learning so much. Think about it. Toddlers are learning boundaries. Children don’t fully grasp the concept that there is things in this world that can harm them. It’s hard to explain to a toddler why he/she can’t eat a full bag of chocolate chips. Or why he/ she can’t go running through a packed parking lot. When we explain these things to our toddlers they listen intently, but that doesn’t mean they understand. 


When we expect toddlers to act negatively, subconscious or not this is the energy we are putting into the universe. 

When we focus our attention on the negative expectations of toddlers, we are asking the universe to make these thoughts reality.

If you are wondering how I know this it’s because I do this. HONESTY is the best policy right? I am no where near perfect and I don’t want to portray that. I intend to share my thoughts in hopes of being relatable. Even possibly encouraging an alternative to your “normal” way of thinking. 

I’m just on a journey to be more mindful.

Our youngest is a free spirit, he is strong willed and rarely listens when he is given a comand. 

While I lay here looking at this beautiful little boy sleep I’m apologetic for expecting him to be something, or better yet someone he isn’t. 

I find when I assume he is going to do something negative like hit the tv with a sword or run out the door the minute it’s opened, it happens

Reflection on our actions really clarifies what we need to improve to be better parents. 


Our boys Caybren, Ander, and I have been at my mom and step dads in Ohio. Of course there house isn’t child proof and my negative expectations have gotten the best of me. 

Ander has grabbed items and ran with them, refusing to return them. He has climbed on the table, kitchen island, and top of the couch. 

He’s an explorer, active, and curious. Ander isn’t easily occupied. I’ve found myself thinking out scenarios where he exerts negative behavior and then I’m frustrated. I find myself redirecting him a lot. 

We have to change our thinking in order to get different results. 

I am thankful for this moment. Where I have been able to reflect on my thoughts and what they can manifest. 

Being more mindful is an amazing thing. 

I want so much for our boys. One thing that is important is that they don’t feel like shit for who they are. Yes Caybren and Ander are still growing but so am I. 

I’m ready to release negative expectations. 

Evolve your parenting skills and your tots will evolve their actions. 

Reflect on your thoughts and don’t be afraid to admit to yourself that you might do this too. Negative expectations = negative results. It’s never to late to evolve yourself. We always have more to offer. 

With love,

Em

The Potty Training Trials

If you are a parent with a toddler(s) you know the trials. You’ve probably experienced the sh*t and pee on an object other than a diaper or the inside of a toilet bowl. Changing diapers is no fun, especially when your little one starts eating solids. Potty training is no fun either, not to be a Debbie Downer, but I’d rather teach his how to do anything else. 

It would be awesome if there was a potty fairy that descended from the heavens and waved her potty shaped wand over your sleeping toddler, magically the next day they were shitting and peeing in the potty. Since that hasn’t been created yet, were left to other resources. I’m not a big reader especially when it comes to books on raising kids. There’s nothing wrong with reading these books they just aren’t my cup of tea. 

I clearly like to do things the hard way. First we tried letting Caybren just be naked from the waist down but that didn’t last because he decided to act like a cave boy and pee on everything. Next we put him in undies, he would pee in them. He wasn’t a fan of that feeling. I don’t know who would be. Occasionally we would catch him before going in his pants and in the potty he went. Oh and number two… forget about it. He’s been great about number one. In the last month Caybren has had maybe 2 accidents. Only one of those being at night. Up until recently their was several days out of the week poo was everywhere but in the toilet. Seriously I was about to give up and let him be in diapers for ever. Legit. 

Then a silver lining, while at my grandmas two to three weeks ago he successfully went number two! Since then we’ve had a few accidents but he’s going pretty much in the toilet. Thank Buddha! 

I thought we were in the clear once this happened. Then I remember it’s not instinctual to wipe your own ass… I have to teach him that too! 

So after he sneaks off to do his bidness, I’m wondering where Caybren is, I get up to search for him. In the bathroom the first thing I see is unmentionable… and it’s by the toilet seat. Not only do I have to clean his booty but the seat as well. Occasionally his legs too. But at least he’s on the right track. 

The worst is when the “accidents” happen in public… Caybren’s first accident was in Kroger, thank God it was number one. But we still had to request clean up on isle 10. It was pretty embarrassing, for us, not him of course. 

I always love when you are out somewhere grocery shopping or whatever and they see a bathroom. Caybren says “need to go potty” “potty right now” “hurry”. When this happens I’m usually by myself with both boys. I have to drop everything and run Caybren to the bathroom. Trying to put him on the potty and keep Ander from waving under the stall at the ladies is a real task. 

It blows my mind sometimes all the things we need to teach them. I’m not sure when the proper age is to clean your own tush but I think we’ll take it one day at a time. I’m not ready to teach anything else regarding a potty for a good week. (Haha). 

On another note, our other son Ander is two and I’m no where near ready for potty training part two. 

With ❤️,

Em

When life gets too real.

I don’t really care for labels, of any kind. I would be a hypocrite if I said I never used them. BUT I don’t like them because I feel that it eliminates unity. Causing people to feel partial to those that they feel are in their “group” instead of being open minded to all individuals. Most of these “feels” are subconscious.

I  am really working on more unity less division in every aspect of my life especially when it comes to the way we treat one another.

Anywho enough philosophical shit. Lets get real real, I have always struggled with anxiety and depression. The first time I remember being overly anxious almost scared, was when I was three or four years old. My mom was taking me to preschool and I did not want to go. I felt short of breathe almost fearful of the unknown. I had separation issues from my mom. It also stems for my parents divorcing when I was four years old.

I was in therapy for a while and that helped. But I still struggled with silencing the voices in my head. I mean inner thoughts of fear of what could happen or what could not happen. 

Once I hit middle school it only intensified, mainly from the social pressures of how to act/ dress/ talk/ feel. Unfortunately I wasn’t too confident in myself and I was persuaded easily by my peers.


On a positive note I wasn’t totally dark, I did have my positive happy moments like being on the volleyball team and playing club soccer. Those are the few times I actually felt myself, free. Growing up in Galveston close to the beach was great also. Being less than two miles from the water and having the freedom to venture to the warm sand and peaceful waters was a real blessing.

I feel my depression lessened once I hit high school, I found my friends and was genuinely happy, I felt accepted. We had to abruptly move to another city my sophomore year and I was devisted. More therapy which helped. I got past my limiting beliefs and carried on knowing that I had to look forward because we weren’t going back.

Fast forward more than five years and I find myself in this place wanting to conquer my fear of the unknown and learn to be present.

Occasionally I still struggle with anxiety and depression. Whether it be anxiety about who’s going to babysit our boys or what appointments are on my schedule for the day. Whirling thoughts of what could happen. When contemplating these “feels” I realize I’m not being present. Focusing on the hear and now deminishes the fear of the unknown, almost suppressing the anxiety.

But I don’t find it a crutch anymore. You learn to deal with it and the best form of therapy I have found is openly discussing and writing about this issue. Weather it’s blogging, writing in the notes in your phone, or in a journal. Find an outlet and you will conquer your inner demons. Live in positivity, be grateful for everything you have. Do things that make you happy: working out, playing with your animals or kids, draw, meditate.

I have found that all these things bring me peace and ease the anxiety.


Really though I want you to know you are not alone. Almost everyone experiences some form of anxiety and depression, but lets be there for one another. Share our trials and the things that help us deal.

Do you struggle with anxiety or depression?

Was this relatable?

What are some activities you do to calm your nerves and stay present? 

So I’ll leave you with these thoughts💭 on this glorious Wednesday evening. 

With love,

Em💜