As I lay here next to my boys enjoying the silence I come to the conclusion that expectations and kids are bullshit. My husband will love reading this and tell me “I told you so” as we’ve had a conversation about this topic recently.
Why are expectations and kids bullshit you ask?
Well because babies, toddlers, kids, teens, etc are unpredictable. You never know what’s gonna trigger a tantrum. My family and I are currently in the toddler stage so we will discuss that.
According to dictionary.com expectation is defined as the degree of probability that something will occur. (Number 6 of the definitions.) With that being said if you reflect on your relationship for a moment and think about a time when you expected your spouse to do something for you. Such as folding the laundry or cleaning the litter box. When the scenario didn’t play out to your favor, what happened? Well possibly you got pissed. Maybe you even mentioned that you wished they would have folded the laundry or cleaned the litter box.
You didn’t verbalize to your significant other what you wanted, you ASSUMED they were going to deliver.
Now think about this with your toddler. In the sense that you expect your child to act a certain way when you are in public. Maybe these expectations are negative when it comes to your strong-willed child’s behavior. Are you thinking they are going to ask for every item in the store? Are you expecting your toddler to act crazy and cry and scream?
The toddler stage is great, they are learning so much. Think about it. Toddlers are learning boundaries. Children don’t fully grasp the concept that there is things in this world that can harm them. It’s hard to explain to a toddler why he/she can’t eat a full bag of chocolate chips. Or why he/ she can’t go running through a packed parking lot. When we explain these things to our toddlers they listen intently, but that doesn’t mean they understand.
When we expect toddlers to act negatively, subconscious or not this is the energy we are putting into the universe.
When we focus our attention on the negative expectations of toddlers, we are asking the universe to make these thoughts reality.
If you are wondering how I know this it’s because I do this. HONESTY is the best policy right? I am no where near perfect and I don’t want to portray that. I intend to share my thoughts in hopes of being relatable. Even possibly encouraging an alternative to your “normal” way of thinking.
I’m just on a journey to be more mindful.
Our youngest is a free spirit, he is strong willed and rarely listens when he is given a comand.
While I lay here looking at this beautiful little boy sleep I’m apologetic for expecting him to be something, or better yet someone he isn’t.
I find when I assume he is going to do something negative like hit the tv with a sword or run out the door the minute it’s opened, it happens.
Reflection on our actions really clarifies what we need to improve to be better parents.
Our boys Caybren, Ander, and I have been at my mom and step dads in Ohio. Of course there house isn’t child proof and my negative expectations have gotten the best of me.
Ander has grabbed items and ran with them, refusing to return them. He has climbed on the table, kitchen island, and top of the couch.
He’s an explorer, active, and curious. Ander isn’t easily occupied. I’ve found myself thinking out scenarios where he exerts negative behavior and then I’m frustrated. I find myself redirecting him a lot.
We have to change our thinking in order to get different results.
I am thankful for this moment. Where I have been able to reflect on my thoughts and what they can manifest.
Being more mindful is an amazing thing.
I want so much for our boys. One thing that is important is that they don’t feel like shit for who they are. Yes Caybren and Ander are still growing but so am I.
I’m ready to release negative expectations.
Evolve your parenting skills and your tots will evolve their actions.
Reflect on your thoughts and don’t be afraid to admit to yourself that you might do this too. Negative expectations = negative results. It’s never to late to evolve yourself. We always have more to offer.