Being a human being with an active subconscious I have been contemplating writing this post for quite some time. Fearful of judgement caused by the raw thoughts itchy at my mind. But being transparent is something I strive for everyday. Honesty and openness in hopes that someone who feels the same way knows they are not alone.
Just a little background I am 24 years young with two toddlers ages 2 years old and 3 years old.
I knew from a young age I wanted to be a mother. I would play with baby dolls and imagine what I would name my son or daughter in the future. I had a life like babydoll that I took with me almost everywhere till I was 12 years old… I kid you not. I loved that thing. Lol
Fast forward a few years I’m 20 years old committed to the man of my dreams it’s Friday night November 23rd, 2013. We are at the hospital bring our eldest Earthside and I still remember all these thoughts racing through my mind. Thankful that he was healthy and finally here. Instantly I loved being a mom. Of course there were days I struggled with allowing myself to understand that it was okay to know nothing about being a parent. I strived for perfection. Thankful to be in a partnership with a man who loved me and was dedicated to his family.
Fast forward again about 8 months I found out I was pregnant again and I was bombarded with thoughts of fear.
What would my parents think? How would we love another baby as much? How will I fulfill my dreams and passions?
Of course in most cases we are in control of when we become parents. I know this. Thankfully in due time I made peace with the birthing another tiny human. Fear turned into joy. Our second was born February 6th, 2015 early but healthy.
I was in about 4 hours of active labor and conquered a major goal for myself. Birthing naturally with no epidural. I felt empowered, grateful for this body that was able to do what it was made to do. All fears subsided and bliss entered with this new little boy.
Our boys are 14 months apart and although it’s been challenging I wouldn’t have it any other way.
That brings me to these thoughts. Seeing other 20 something year olds: in college, starting their careers. Dating and going on trips without any obligation to raising a human being. Sometimes I wonder what would life be like? What would I be doing? Would I be striving for the same goals?
When these thoughts first entered my mind I was mad at myself. Your boys are healthy and your in a partnership with an amazing human being. You have it great your life is great.
The more I thought on this the more I grew to understand to make peace with these thoughts process them and release. After contemplating for quite some time I am thankful to be a young mother. I am thankful to be apart of something greater than myself. I am grateful to love unconditionally.
And I know for a fact I wouldn’t be striving for my best self without my husband and boys in my life. I wouldn’t have these amazing goals and dreams for myself and our lives. I am more empowered, more loving, more compassion because I am a mother.
Yes, I have had to make sacrifices in places like my career and self love. But I am working on balance. I wouldn’t be where I am today without those sacrifices that have made me stronger.
I thoroughly believe everything happens for a reason. Allowing these thoughts to be processed and released is so important. They remind us that we are human and we are still striving towards our true potential.
Being raw and vulnerable brings transparency.
Motherhood is indescribable at times. Overwhelming but it is also joyful and rewarding.
I’m thankful to be a young mom. I am proud and empowered to let others know they are not alone. Keep striving to be the best version of yourself and never settle, because you my friend are capable of greatness.