I don’t really care for labels, of any kind. I would be a hypocrite if I said I never used them. BUT I don’t like them because I feel that it eliminates unity. Causing people to feel partial to those that they feel are in their “group” instead of being open minded to all individuals. Most of these “feels” are subconscious.
I am really working on more unity less division in every aspect of my life especially when it comes to the way we treat one another.
Anywho enough philosophical shit. Lets get real real, I have always struggled with anxiety and depression. The first time I remember being overly anxious almost scared, was when I was three or four years old. My mom was taking me to preschool and I did not want to go. I felt short of breathe almost fearful of the unknown. I had separation issues from my mom. It also stems for my parents divorcing when I was four years old.
I was in therapy for a while and that helped. But I still struggled with silencing the voices in my head. I mean inner thoughts of fear of what could happen or what could not happen.
Once I hit middle school it only intensified, mainly from the social pressures of how to act/ dress/ talk/ feel. Unfortunately I wasn’t too confident in myself and I was persuaded easily by my peers.
On a positive note I wasn’t totally dark, I did have my positive happy moments like being on the volleyball team and playing club soccer. Those are the few times I actually felt myself, free. Growing up in Galveston close to the beach was great also. Being less than two miles from the water and having the freedom to venture to the warm sand and peaceful waters was a real blessing.
I feel my depression lessened once I hit high school, I found my friends and was genuinely happy, I felt accepted. We had to abruptly move to another city my sophomore year and I was devisted. More therapy which helped. I got past my limiting beliefs and carried on knowing that I had to look forward because we weren’t going back.
Fast forward more than five years and I find myself in this place wanting to conquer my fear of the unknown and learn to be present.
Occasionally I still struggle with anxiety and depression. Whether it be anxiety about who’s going to babysit our boys or what appointments are on my schedule for the day. Whirling thoughts of what could happen. When contemplating these “feels” I realize I’m not being present. Focusing on the hear and now deminishes the fear of the unknown, almost suppressing the anxiety.
But I don’t find it a crutch anymore. You learn to deal with it and the best form of therapy I have found is openly discussing and writing about this issue. Weather it’s blogging, writing in the notes in your phone, or in a journal. Find an outlet and you will conquer your inner demons. Live in positivity, be grateful for everything you have. Do things that make you happy: working out, playing with your animals or kids, draw, meditate.
I have found that all these things bring me peace and ease the anxiety.
Really though I want you to know you are not alone. Almost everyone experiences some form of anxiety and depression, but lets be there for one another. Share our trials and the things that help us deal.
Do you struggle with anxiety or depression?
Was this relatable?
What are some activities you do to calm your nerves and stay present?
So I’ll leave you with these thoughts💭 on this glorious Wednesday evening.